As humans, I believe each of us has a deep yearning in our hearts to know that we are here for a purpose. And how do we find the answer to the mystical questions, “What is my legacy? What am I supposed to do until I find it? Will I find it?”

I believe that Paul said it best when he wrote Philippians 3:10 “My determined purpose is that I may know Him, that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Jesus.“

When someone says to me “Help me to find my purpose,” I am humbled. I pray that my words will be guided by the Holy Spirit to gently walk beside a person on their journey, to be the light and love of Jesus and to meet the person right where they are, and to guide and encourage a deeper and more intimate relationship with Jesus, to know that His mercy, grace, forgiveness and love are endless.

I am reminded of a quote from Eric Liddle in the inspiring movie, Chariots of Fire when he said “I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure.” That is a good starting place as you ponder the question, “What is my purpose?”.

So, I invite you to fill in the blank, “When I __________, I feel God’s pleasure.”

What is an energy drainer? Well, it is anything that you put up with, take on, adjust to or are dragged in to. An energy drainer can be someone else’s behavior, an annoying situation, a crossed boundary, a frustration or an unfinished project. Here are some examples of energy drainers: excessive clutter in the garage, cabinets, unfiled stack of papers, cluttered desk, the neighbors’ barking dog, a doorknob that is falling off, a leaking faucet, poor customer service, clothes that no longer fit, traffic, not being paid on time, and the list goes on.

Think of energy drainers as that little bit of white noise in the background. You’re not really aware of it, but it’s there and it’s having an effect on you and your performance. These energy drainers create friction and increase your frustration level. Energy drainers distract you from your focus because they are always there in the subconscious mind dancing around reminding you they need your attention. During times of major change and transition, excessive energy drainers can take an otherwise gifted, effective and skilled person and cause him or her to behave in uncharacteristic and unproductive ways. In effect, excessive energy drainers take an already difficult situation and turn it into chaos! Instead of allowing these to zap your energy, I want to encourage you to zap the energy drainers and reclaim your energy, one energy drainer at a time. Read More ›

I believe one of the most important keys in an excellent coaching relationship, is open, non-judgmental and effective communication. And, to have an open exchange of communication, there needs to be a foundation of acceptance and trust. Establishing and maintaining a relationship of trust is the first of the nine IAC Coaching Masteries. When a client trusts the coach, the client feels safe to say what they think and how they feel, and to know their words are not judged, and they feel accepted. Isn’ t this what all of us want? Trust is a safe place to be and it is where dreams can be explored without hearing an all too familiar rebuttal from those helpful friends or family members.

How does a coach learn to build a safe environment for open communication? First, we want to keep our hearts open to accepting others and keeping God’s commandment to love God and love others. And, let me admit that it isn’t always easy to love others, is it? And, to help us understand others, we need tools in addition to the love in out hearts. There are tools to help us communicate more effectively and when we apply the tools, we begin to understand, appreciate and accept the differences in others, and we learn to adapt our own behaviors in order to be more open, and accepting of others who may be a little different from us.

So, what tools are available to help create a greater awareness and appreciation of others? I use several assessments regularly with my clients, depending on what area the client is exploring in the coaching relationship. I use the DiSC Behavioral Model with  my clients, because it helps me to understand the client’s personality, communication style, and behaviors and is also a wonderful tool for the client to gain insights and self discovery. What a great way to jump start a coaching relationship!

There are many assessments available to coaches, and all have the potential to be equally effective. The key is not in the tool itself; the key lies in the application of the tool. It is more about the coach’s desire to learn and accept the client and appreciate the differences in human behavior, and it can open the door for the client to explore further, if the client chooses.

Some coaches use Myers Briggs, while others may use Kiersey, Birkman, Strong. Our school, Christian Coach Institute, trains and certifies Christian Life and Career coaches, and we include the DiSC and a Spiritual Assessment early in the relationship for the client to explore their faith walk.

What assessment should you use? It really depends on your goal and your coaching niche. Begin with your own research, take the assessments for yourself and talk to others who are using assessments successfully. Find the tool that “fits” your niche and helps your clients.

What tool do you use and how do you use it?

One of the greatest gifts we can give to another is the gift of listening. I feel so special when my husband says, “Tell me about your day, sweetheart. What was the best part?” And to see him put aside the newspaper, or the computer, and just sit and listen to me warms my heart. No, ladies, it doesn’t happen every single day, certainly often enough that I can say I am blessed to receive. Oh, you know the kind of listening…. the leaning in, connecting, heart warming, “in the moment with you”, “I get you” kind of listening that takes all of our senses to give to another.

When was the last time you offered this gift to your spouse, child, friend or even the person sitting next to you in school, or class? When was the last time you received this gift? Share your stories with us … Where were you? Were you the receiver or giver? How did you feel as the giver, and if you were the receiver, how did you feel?

And, our children, oh how they are in tune to when we are really listening to them. Yes, moms and dads, they know if you are flipping thru the channels on the remote, or watching the news, washing dishes.

So for those reading this, I hope you will gift the gift tonight to your spouse, or children, or friend.